Peer Support Project: a relationship toolkit
Every relationship requires a different spark to happen + needs its own fuel to thrive.
We compared notes about cultivating affirming romantic bonds. Here’s what we came up with.
Each GetSomeJoy Peer Support Group is a welcoming, collaborative space rooted in the belief that each of us has something to offer, even as a cautionary tale.
At the end of each biweekly Sunday space, facilitator Charm Baxter invites participants to synthesize their insights and feelings from the preceding discussion into a Community Poem that always underscores the power and beauty of communal creativity.
We kept the collaboration going in this week’s inaugural Wednesday Peer Support Group. After a mental health check-in with space to celebrate recent wins and robust conversation on relationship dynamics, Alex invited attendees to tap into their varied experiences to develop a Relationship Toolkit.
We asked: Based on what has or hasn’t worked for you, what guidance would you offer someone for moving through romantic ups and downs? Of course, this isn’t an exhaustive list.
KNOW BEFORE YOU GO
Know yourself and go into it with an open mind not bringing your past into your present.
Ask yourself: What do you want? What do you need?
Spend intentional time while single taking good care of yourself in order to set a realistic standard for a partner to add to.
Remember this person had a past, a life, experiences, hopes and dreams before you connected
What are your boundaries? What do you require to feel okay, safe, considered, etc?
BEST PRACTICES FOR THE JOURNEY (grounding, ideas)
Be curious, not judgmental.
Don’t stop making time for yourself, with yourself/by yourself. Indulge into each others simple pleasures.
Make time for adventures, trying new things, going new places, keep it fresh.
Schedule regular check-ins to ask:
How are you feeling?
How do you feel about us? Wanna adjust, reconsider anything?
Anything on your heart that you want to share, figure out?
What are you looking forward to?
Maintain your own world outside each other (friends, passions, free time)
Don’t take it personally: Remember that most of their quirks, traumas, shortcomings, have nothing to do with us.
Find creative ways to explore non sexual intimacy often.
NAVIGATING BUMPS IN THE ROAD
Talk it out. Agree to disagree rather than be upset at each other's differences of opinions and views.
Leave room for each other’s humanity. When we overly romanticize our partner it’s harder to accept their flaws.
Say the difficult, uncomfortable thing versus letting it fester or grow into resentment/avoidance
On this week's episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: Their relationship is on the edge. They're grappling with communication issues and the emotional scars from their past. And they're trapped. Trapped in an endless cycle of blame, defensiveness, and attack. Esther tries to help them notice their patterns of escalation and break the cycle they keep finding themselves in.
RESOURCES, INSPIRATION, ETC.
Watch relatable content that is a positive influence on your relationship. Black love, healthy relationship dynamics, etc.
“I Lost My Sex Drive Because He Never Did THIS” ft Cree Summer [Lovers]
In this week’s episode, I sit down with the legendary Cree Summer to talk about her journey through love, loss, and rediscovery in her 50s. Cree opens up about losing her sex drive during her marriage due to a lack of emotional shelter and the importance of finding a partner who provides safety and calm during life’s storms. We also dive into how her sex drive has improved post-menopause and what she’s looking forward to as she explores love again in her senior years. Whether you’re navigating relationships, rethinking intimacy, or seeking inspiration for your own journey, this conversation is a must-listen.
The Therapy for Black Girls Podcast is a weekly chat about all things mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. Listen via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Stitcher
What are the guidelines you follow about sharing information about your love life online? Are you a fan of soft launches or do you prefer to keep it private? Does it mean anything to you if your partner doesn’t share pictures of you on their profiles? Everyone has their own comfort level and we’re digging into all of it today. Joining me again this week are some members of the TBG Team, Ellice Ellis, Nyesha Davis, and Miela Fetaw, to share their thoughts on dating and relating in an online world.
Ellis Ever After, formerly Dead Ass Podcast. From ironing out the newlywed blues, to being seasoned spouses who know each other inside and out. A couple I listened to a lot when married.
As we get older and our lives change, so do our relationships and the requirements we have for them. In this episode, the Ellises chat with the crew about what friendship looks like for them at their big big ages.
Building Healthy Friendships & Relationships, an episode of The Homecoming Podcast with Dr. Thema
Dr. Thema provides tips to empower us to build and maintain healthy relationships from family life and friendship to romance and work life.
What considerations and resources would you add to a Relationship Toolkit? Let us know in the comments below.
Register for GetSomeJoy’s Peer Support Groups
Biweekly on Wednesdays @ 7:30pm ET
Biweekly on Sundays @ 6:30pm ET